13th

It hurts that people lived with you longer than I did

It hurts that you have gone before i ever achieved anything

It hurts that I sometimes have to lie that you ‘are’ here

It hurts that i didn’t property grieve your absence

It hurts that instead of being taught by your presence, your absence taught me everything

It hurts that I don’t know whether i have made u proud or not

And what does this all teach me? To appreciate the ppl I currently have (I am trying)

To spend more quality time (I sometimes like to be alone)

To remember you more often (you are always on my mind – but is that enough)

Can you believe that 13 years have gone by. It was just yday when they stood us in a corner and told us were going to the hospital to say our goodbyes. I grabbed a tissue box and off we went in the car. I sat by your bedside and I prayed as much as I could. Then they told us its time to go home. At about 4am we got the call. God had a better place for you..but we were left heartbroken. Many many ppl had come. They knew things we didn’t. I still don’t know many things. All these qs I have remain unanswered.

More importantly I miss you being here. I wish I could get back some time to show you how much I love you. And that I’m not that naughty 9 year old kid you left behind. I wish you saw me get into college and work hard at uni. Wish u saw me graduate and get my first job. I wish I could hug u everyday after I come back from work and tell you about my day. I wish you would advise me about life and tell me about your youthful days. I wish

It makes me the happiest when someone says they see your resemblance in me. That I remind them of you and that I am a mini version of you. I wish I could continue living through your legacy and make you proud every single day. More importantly I wish that I am more like your kind heart, your giving soul, your beautiful mind, your sweet touch, your craved presence, your beauty, your smile. You.

I am really trying to learn. Ive gone through a lot not because I wanted to be difficult at any one point but because I miss you and I haven’t let go. By let go I don’t mean to forget but rather to be okay living through your absence. That remembering you wont break me into a thousand pieces but rather give me strength to continue. And by saying you have passed doesn’t mean you have gone but rather you are with me every single day. What more can I ask if I am in the presence of an angel like you looking over me.

I love you and miss you. Please pray for me.

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